Sung, but Not Spoken Of
by Driftingskies
Summary: Two years ago, Shinomiya Natsuki wrote a song, but has since then never acknowledged its existence. He would not mention it during talk shows or interviews. And even when the other members asked him about it, he would politely change the topic. But today, he is singing it live; powerful and unyielding. Today, he is singing this for him. [Natsuki/Syo]


**A/N:** Because I was in the J-idol fandom since I was 16, I kiiiind of wanted to write something related to STARISH being idols, specifically concerts! And because I'm hopeless like this, it has to be a Natsusyo fic. It HAS to.

I had tons of fun writing this, thinking about backstage of various concerts DVDs, about the making of videos for MVs, and about the dynamics between fans and idols — so I hope you'll enjoy reading it as well :)

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><p>He swore he could see the audience <em>swoon<em>.

Ren wouldn't say that this was the first time he'd seen this. Hell, he could say that nearly all of Natsuki's performances would leave the audience buzzing with emotion. Natsuki's voice held that power after all, with those searing vocals, that skillful control, and that smooth velvet baritone. A _power_ ballad, for sure.

But this time… if he listened closely, this time he could probably hear the audience sigh in unison.

But Ren understood why. The current atmosphere in the Budoukan was hypnotizing… almost _haunting_. The lone grand piano was twinkling an exquisite melody, the lights in the arena were dimmed, the soft beige spotlight was focused onto Natsuki, and the audience were swaying their yellow penlights in a synchronized undulating wave together. Jinguji ran his hands over his arms. Goosebumps.

This song — Ai ga Mebuita Hi, _The Day Love Blossomed_ — was actually not included in any albums, but fans had somehow managed to find a leaked source, and from there on, it circulated throughout the internet and gained massive popularity.

Even so, that song was never discussed out loud. Natsuki would prefer not to talk about it, not in interviews, or in casual settings. And even when the other members asked him about it, he would politely change the topic. Ai Mebuita has always been Shimonya Natsuki's shadow solo; visible, but unspoken of.

Until today.

Today, Shinomiya Natsuki was singing Ai ga Mebuita Hi, live.

This would mark the first time the he's actually acknowledging this song. This shadow solo was finally brought into the light. Ren wondered how will the fans react to this after this was over.

Ren remembered the week when the song first leaked. It was two years ago. The fans were ecstatic at the sudden release of a love song by Shinomiya-san. No announcements, no promotion, but out if no where, a new solo! And then, when it was revealed that this song was not going to be released in any albums, they went _wild_. The fans searched and gathered information about this solo, and the online forums burst with assumptions and speculations. It was only in a matter of days before they figured out that this song was written and composed solely by Natsuki, and it was privately recorded in a small recording studio in downtown Tokyo. (The info-gathering skills of the fans were a force to be reckoned of, Ren thought amusedly.)

Fans were saying that this was written for a secret lover, and that's why never released into an album. This song must have been made _just_ for her, they theorized. And there was hundreds upon thousands of ideas on who this lucky girl was. The names of actresses and models have appeared in various forums to back up their theory. Everyone held their own opinions, and the usual fan debate erupted online.

But one opinion was constant: the fans agreed that this was one of the best love songs STARISH has produced yet.

Ren's body swayed on its own as Natsuki reached the bridge of the song. This was Ren's favourite part - where the piano stopped, and only Natsuki's voice reverberated within the concert arena, "Someone who I love, from the bottom of my heart; this one is for you. Someone who I cherish, more than anything; this is just for you, on this day that love has bloomed." Ren couldn't suppress his smile. Chills down his spine. _Such fervent words, Shinomii. _

Ren has only heard the song a few times, but he thought the fact that Shinomii could echo that same essence, that same emotion during a live performance — it was amazing. _This song must really mean something to him,_ Ren thought. Or rather, the person he was singing to must be really precious to him.

The chorus played once more, before finally, Natsuki's voice faded off in a low key. And in return, the audience's cheers ascended fervidly, their penlights swaying madly with emotion. Natsuki smiled at the audience, letting his eyes roam across the sea of people, clutching his microphone tightly, as his stage lowered slowly, until he disappeared under the main stage and the piano gently ceased with a trill twinkle.

Backstage, Ren grinned as Natsuki stepped off the movable stage.

"Brilliant performance, Shinomii."

Natsuki grinned back, clutching that microphone in a death grip. The adrenaline was surely gushing through his system after that performance, and he was trying to keep himself grounded. "Thank you, Ren-kun…!"

Ren thumped Natsuki's shoulder lightly, "You really should sing that song in concert lives more. I can practically _hear_ the crowd swooning from here."

Natsuki laughed. "You're exaggerating, Ren-kun." He took a swig from his waterbottle, and he smiled a wan smile. "That song is actually only for this venue, and just for this day. To be really honest, it wasn't supposed to be heard by anyone." Natsuki grinned. "But today is special."

"For real? Not even an encore tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow I'm going to sing Sirius e no Chikai as written in the booklet."

"Bu—"

"Natsuki…!" Ren's question was cut when a familiar voice called out. Ren turned around and saw Syo walking briskly towards them, the tassels of his outfit on his shoulder swinging around with each step. Ren noticed his cheeks were red, and it was definitely not due to stage make up. As soon as Syo reached, he took Natsuki's and in his, and stomped off. "Come with me."

Ren watched the two as Syo stomped his way to the back part of the arena while pulling Natsuki behind him. Ah, yes, Ren remembered that during that concert planning meeting, Natsuki stressed that_ absolutely no one else _in STARISH must notified about this performance. So naturally the munchkin wouldn't know a thing about the switch. Ren heard a door bang from somewhere, and he guessed that something interesting was going to happen between those two. Ren couldn't help but to chuckle amusedly.

Those two were so easy to read.

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><p>"What the hell, Natsuki…!"<p>

Syo's voice was loud, but subdued. He definitely didn't want anyone finding out that the two of them were in this small spare room. "I thought you were supposed to sing Sirius!" Natsuki appeared unfazed, and in fact, he looked happy that Syo was here right after his performance. He reached out and squeezed Syo's hand. "Did you listen to it? I sung it for you."

"Did I listen - of course I did! _Everyone_ heard you…!" Syo tugged at his ear, in a futile attempt to fade the obvious red hue. "Do you know how shocked I was when I heard it backstage?!" He attempted to glare at Natsuki for this decision. He couldn't do it well; curse it all, his heart was still skipping beats. God, listening to that song gave him goosebumps, even more when it was sung out loud like that. "I can't— eurgh, Natsuki, what if people_ figure out_?!"

"…you didn't like it, Syo-chan…?" Natsuki asked quietly. Natsuki's expression looked like a loyal puppy that had been kicked; in pain, but still eager to please.

Syo faltered - "…no, that's not it…"

"Maybe I should have let you listen to it privately at home…" Natsuki's gaze was downcast, and he started fiddling with his fingers, as if he'd done a terrible mistake. "But I wanted this year to be special…"

And Syo could feel his heart lurched, right down to his gut. He felt like he'd just committed a terrible crime. All Natsuki wanted was to give him a surprise after all. _Dammit, Natsuki, stop making that face…! _Syo threw his arms around Natsuki's neck and hugged tight, burying his face in his shoulders. Syo felt him stiffen for a second before he relaxed and wrapped his arm around the smaller idol, pulling him closer.

"I like it, Natsuki, I do," Syo mumbled against Natsuki's skin. He couldn't see his face, but Syo can tell Natsuki's expression surely gleamed brighter with that. He felt the heat rushing through his face as he remembered Natsuki's performance, and automatically buried his face into the crook of his neck. He whined, "But that was so _embarrassing_…!" That red tint wasn't going to go anywhere. Syo pulled away and glared at him. "No, actually – Natsuki, why did you have to sing it live today?!" he yelled.

Natsuki didn't react to the sudden raise in volume. Instead he beamed at him so brightly, Syo thought that it could literally revive plants. Natsuki kissed him lightly on the bridge of his nose, right between his eyes. "Because today is special," he said chirpily, with that smile still on his face. And with that, Syo just froze for a moment.

He knew what _today_ was.

"Ah, no, because _this year_ is special." That bright smile faded, and in its place was a small curve of the lips, and a gentle look to his eyes. Natsuki reached out and cupped his face, and leaned close, touching their foreheads together, and he whispered so quietly as if conveying a secret, "Because this year marks five years, Syo-chan. Five wondorous years together."

How does Natsuki keep saying these kind of things without exploding in mortification, Syo will never know. He looked away, hoping that Natsuki couldn't hear his heart beating loudly in his chest.

Natsuki giggled. Syo-chan was always so expressive. He ran his fingers down his neck and pulled him in for a gentle kiss. "I love you, Syo-chan," he whispered, "Thank you for always being by my side. Thank you for always taking care of me. You're always so kind and patient with me." He smiled, and Syo felt goosebumps running across his skin. "I love you, Syo-chan." He kissed him again, much more tender this time. "So, so much."

Dammit, Natsuki, he was going to have heart palpitations if he was going to continue like this. To say such things — it was so embarrassing, but the throb within his chest grew so much it felt like he was going to burst if he didn't do anything now.

Syo looked at him, directly in his eyes, determined. "I… I love you too, Natsuki. A lot, okay? You know that?"

Natsuki was shocked for a moment; he could only stare back at Syo after hearing that — Syo-chan hardly ever says anything like this. But Syo only saw that expression for a second before he stood on his toes and pulled him down for a kiss. Natsuki nearly giggled; Syo doesn't say out his love, but shows it all the time. Natsuki knows that he loves him, without a doubt.

Syo ran his thumb along Natsuki's jawline and along the curve of his ear, kissing him passionately. Natsuki returned his kiss just as fervently. He wrapped his arm around his torso, pulling him closer as he ran his fingers through Syo's hair. The taller idol pulled away, giggling and dropped butterfly kisses on his face and collarbones. Syo laughed, pushing him away.

"Get off, Natsuki," he reprimanded, still laughing, "Stop, seriously! Get _off_! I have a performance after this…!"

Natsuki kissed him deeply once more on the lips before he leaned close and mischievously whispered in his ear, "Then… we'll continue this tonight?"

Syo froze momentarily before that blush flared up his face again. Natsuki laughed, turning him around to face the door. "Okay, okay, now go perform Oresama Rondo! Do your best, Syo-chan!" He pushed him forwards, and through the door. "I'll listen to your performance backstage!"

Before he could protest, Syo stumbled face to face with a staff member who frantically ushered him towards the stand by area. "Quickly now, Kurusu-san! Stand by is in 1 minute 30 seconds!"

"Eh, wait — There's — I —"

"We have _one minute,_ Kurusu-san!"

Syo desperately looked back towards that spare room; only to see Natsuki peeping through the door, giving him an encouraging smile.

Dammit, Natsuki!

As if he could perform anything _now_…!

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><p><strong>AN:** "Ai ga Mebuita Hi" is a line from Ninomiya Kazunari's song, _Niji_. It's one of the most beautifully penned songs I've listened to. Go have a listen, if you're interested :3 There are translations up online too; my fave is by taijiproject on livejournal.

Also, why Oresama Rondo? Because I reaaaaally love the song. And also I thought the lyrics suited, hehe. Translations are up on silvermoon249 on liverjournal, if you're interested!

Also, thank you so much for reading! :)


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